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Navigate The Femme –
"Know my soul, my angel. I'm an evil thing. God wouldn't take me. And the Devil wouldn't either."
"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."
"Creativity is a drug I cannot live without."
"Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon."
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
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The One In Which She Acts Like a Mother Now, I was excited about this. For once, I could take as great of care of him, as he does supporting me. I could show him how much I love him by doing small simple things, like getting him a glass of water without even being asked. But the first ten minutes, I started going crazy. He totally ignored me, except for when he wanted something. I couldn't understand what he was saying most of the time, and he would get mad having to repeat himself. It took so much will-power and energy to remain patient and calm. But I did it. He asked me for some pudding, though he couldn't have any due to the gauze needing to remain in his mouth for an hour. But I figured I'd make it anyways ahead of time. Low and behold... there is not enough milk. And so I asked him for the debit card so I could go get more milk. "If you wouldn't be drinking all the milk all the god damn time then we'd have some around here." "Well, baby... milk does a body good." "We only have 15 dollars." "That should be enough for a carton of milk, and a pack of cigarettes." "No... we stopped smoking yesterday." "I know... but I'm up to here with nerves and I need some." So I got milk and cigarettes. And THIS... this will be our last pack. When I got back, I was feeling a little better. I made him some pudding, and comforted him. I was incredibly tired and fell asleep in front of the couch. I don't know how long he let me sleep, but when he touched me, I remember jumping up and asking if he needed anything. All in all, I think yesterday was a pretty good day. It was a lazy day, but we were together nearly the whole time. I didn't even really get on the computer a whole lot. He and I cuddled, though I was scared I'd hurt him. He kept asking for kisses on the lips, but I wouldn't kiss his mouth. Not only was he still completely numb and it felt like dead flesh, but I was afraid I would hurt him. But I felt bad, because I felt like he thought I didn't love him enough to kiss him on the lips, so I kissed his forehead and nose and cheek. And once, with a lot of begging, I kissed him on the lips. I ever so gently wiped his mouth of the dried blood and water after he got done drinking. I prepared his food. And I felt like a mother. Part of me liked it. I would love to be a mother... just not to a twenty-year old male... lol. Tomorrow I want to go to my mom's house to get some of my things. I doubt we'd be able to get the uhal to get everything... but it's driving me crazy that I can't get anything. I don't know if we'll be able to go since Sean had his surgery. But I can ar least try. Maybe we could find someone who will let us borrow their truck for a day or two. At least now we have a vehicle to let them borrow back in return. -whine- I want my stuff... I want my bed, my entertainment center, my microwave, my kitchen supplies, my clothes, my wiccan tools and supplies, my shoes, my curling irons, my memories... – Ava "Sometimes we have to be brought to our knees in order to get in touch with who we really are and what we really want. We can't heal until we hit rock bottom."
all content © copyright Ava(alluring-one) 2004
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