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"Know my soul, my angel. I'm an evil thing. God wouldn't take me. And the Devil wouldn't either."
-Armand

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."
-Anne Frank

"Creativity is a drug I cannot live without."
-Cecil B. DeMille

"Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon."
-David Assael

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
-Cyril Connolly

The One About The Skylark
October 07, 2004

Sean and I made up without saying a word. I suppose that can be good, yet bad at the same time. Today, we acted as though nothing even happened. Perhaps we should have talked about lastnights squabbles.

In any case, we watched the movie Equilibrium today. It was a decent movie. It got me thinking about feelings, and numbing them, as lastnight during the fight, I numbed my feelings and continued on my path. What if there was a way, a medicine to numb anyone of feelings all together? Would I wish to take it, would I wish to numb my feelings?

And then, I am reminded of a poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley... my favorite poem, To A Skylark, even though the poem is not heralded as his greatest poetical achievement. The part that stuck my very core, the part that I am reminded of goes as such:


"We look before and after,
And pine for what is not;
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.
Yet if we could scorn
Hate, and pride, and fear;
If we were things born
Not to shed a tear,
I know not how thy joy we ever should come near."


And I do believe this whole-heartedly. Though it would be wonderful not to feel pain, hurt, sorrow, anger, fear, jealousy, we would not feel the opposites of each. And so it leads me to my conclusion. I would not give up grief if it meant I could not feel love. For love is the strongest, most potent, most wonderful thing in the world to feel... if even for a second in ones entire life. As William Wordsworth said once,"We live by admiration, hope and love." That is human nature... that is what we humans live off of. Hope and love are the two greatest things one can feel, and are the strongest emotions(aside from hate). Why give that up to spare yourself from temporary grief?

I know that many times, in my depression, I have felt like there was nothing in the world but torment and pain. It was hopeless, and there was no such thing as love. But there is... you just need to be strong enough to hold onto hope, and you will struggle through your burdens, to find where love awaits. It takes time, it takes courage, it takes will... but another saying comes to mind. "Whatever doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger." I have delt with my demons. I may not have killed them all, and they may come back. And surely I will run into more in the future. But I am the stronger one, and I will not let them defeat me with their pathetic attempts of their own special brand of misery. I have hope, and I have love awaiting me after I defeat them... and that alone is enough to stand up and fight for.

Ava



"Sometimes we have to be brought to our knees in order to get in touch with who we really are and what we really want. We can't heal until we hit rock bottom."






<< in days lost |&| in days to come >>

all content © copyright Ava(alluring-one) 2004

About Me
Name: Ava Dawn
Alias: Meritsekhmet, Guzzle-gut, Izadore, Izzy
Age: 20
DOB: May 29, 1984
Tresses: Dark Brown
Oculi: Green-blue
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 130 lbs
Piercings: Right Nostril, Earloabes(x2), Cartilage
Tatoos: None yet ;)
Lover: Sean
Pets: Anukis and Damian
Faith: Egyptian Wiccan
Sun Sign: Gemini
Chinese Zodiac}:Rat
Indian Zodiac:Mithun
Element:Air/Water
Extended Profile: Here

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